it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
