can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
