i need an iv and a liver transplant
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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