guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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