Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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