I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
