3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
