Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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