Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
