I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
