Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
