We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dick very happy bro
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
