I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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