Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
