After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
