You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
