I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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