Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
