Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
