9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
