then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
