he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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