Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
