We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
