Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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