I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
