just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I puked a lego.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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