forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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