you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
