Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
