just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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