I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
