My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
