I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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