When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
