I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
