I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
