i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
