brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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