the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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