Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
