Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
