you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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