I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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