i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
