I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
