OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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