WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
