Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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