It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
