Quick, to the slutcave!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
