Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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