my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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