cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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