Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Semen is not good for contacts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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