my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
