Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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