is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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