you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
