Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
